fine just fine....

so its been another one of those weeks. just living for the sake of living.
just so you know i suffer from depression:S
haa and most people think I'm some kind of psycho...
but ant way... where was i ooh yeah this week i have finally put my life into perspective.
i say this every week but i think this time it will be different because i know what i want and what i don't...

i don't want a boyfriend!!! the emotional drain the male species inflicts upon me is just not worth the hassle ! the last one sucked me dry of all the mental strength i had left.

i do want to sort my career out! which means raising £250 pounds! so i may consider all options in order to raise it nothing is out of bounds i am that desperate!

i do want to party !!! I'm sick of feeling like the only reason to get out of bed in the mornings is to pee i miss my full and extrovert social life .... saying that I'm off to get a bottle of wine ...

mmm Sicilian red nothing better ! especially on a sad Friday night in ! after a week of drinking nothing but tea and flavoured water and eating nothing but salads ...

aaany ways on to the actual content of my rambling ...

depression is a funny thing really cause i cant control it just like i can not control my emotions the slightest thing can send me into a downward spiral from a comment from my mum or just a build up of little things that i think are to insignificant to make a deal out of at the time they occur yet they stay etched in my mind until i just burst inwardly! i rarely lash out at any one but i do have a habit of holding it all in then i let rip in self destruct mode.

i stopped self harming last year after my attempted suicide.. fail! but i do still every thing within my power to hurt my self in other ways. like fucking up my relationships with Friends and family. but whenever they ask whats up cos they know me well enough to know when there is something bothering me i deny all knowledge and claim to be fine ... but you know what ! !! ! ! now every thing is going to be fine just fine !